All I Need

“What would you do for God if you couldn’t fail?”

This is the question that started it all.

I was sitting at a round table with several beautiful women listening to a speaker share her battles in church ministry. She was explaining her difficulties as a pastor’s wife, as well as, specific challenges she faced as a women in church leadership.

During the table talk time, Debby, the kind and tenderhearted wife of my lead pastor, asked the table this simple yet profound question… “If you could do anything for God and not fail, what would you do?”

At first, it struck me as a silly question. Anything we want to do for God should be attainable, right? If God is the caller, the provider, the strengthener, and equipper, how could we fail in serving him? But then I realized, there were goals that I did want to achieve, lives I wanted to see changed, but there was a list of excuses that kept me from not only achieving them, but even starting on the journey of ATTEMPTING them.

As the discussion made its way around the table, I wondered if my dreams were, “too much.” I began to battle within my head. Seriously? Too much? How long are you going to be hiding behind these words? But if I say them out loud, does that mean I’m committed to them? What happens if I don’t follow through? What if it doesn’t work out? What if I change my mind? What if I’m not good enough? What if people find out I’m a fraud. Oh it can’t hurt to just talk about it. It’s just a table discussion.”

My inner monologue was interrupted as it became my turn to speak. I took a breath and went for it. “I want to do what she does, indicating the woman standing on stage preparing for her next session, and I want to be a published writer.”

Before anyone could respond, I started in on the excuses. “I know that I don’t have a lot of credibility because I’m not working right now in ministry circles…”

Why did I do that? Why do I surround my dreams, my goals, my desires, with a cushion of excuses as if they need to be protected? As if “I” need protection? It’s as if I am covering my inner most desires with a thin layer of scum so that if criticism was to come from any side, it would slide right off and leave my goals protected, albeit ineffective, because excuses weaken my power in achievement. But back to my excuses…

“And I know that I don’t have a lot of credibility because I’m a stay at home mom who hasn’t been to school in a long time…” But my weak attempt to dampen my dream with an excuse was cut short “…You are a daughter of the king that is the only credibility you need…”

This comment came from Debby, my oh so kind and gracious friend. I didn’t even know how to respond. She pointed out my excuses for what they were—scum. a growth of doubt, fear, and shame, that needed to be scrubbed off with a giant Brillo pad.

So, I took a leap of faith. That day I started on the journey of being a speaker of encouragement and God’s word and a writer of His truth. Thank you Debby for being a speaker of truth in my life, for calling our my excuses and encouraging me to clean up the scum that I allowed to build up around my gifts, talents, desires and dreams. I will forever be indebted to you.

For those of you still holding on to your excuses. Using them for protection against fear and doubt, criticism and critique. Please remember Debby’s words: “You are a daughter of the King, and that is all you need.”

Take a leap of faith.