Feeling out of control has become so common for women that instead of conquering it, they have learned to cope. It’s one of the reasons I never wanted to get out of bed in the morning. How can I know exactly what I am going to do today and yet feel so completely out of control? How can everything I know I am going to face that day defeat me before I even leave the house?

Here’s my thought process the night before: Ok, I have a to-do list (I will be lucky to get to one of them). I laid out my clothes (but I will probably stay in my pjs). I pinned my workouts (hahaha, what was I thinking). I have a meal plan (Domino’s it is!).

Then, I wake up, and I have this undeniable sense of hopelessness. I can’t shake it. It literally ties me down (Geez, I wonder why?)

When I was in highschool, I had my first boyfriend in 9th grade. We dated for a while and he decided that the relationship wasn’t going in the direction he wanted, and he broke it off. My little 9th grade heart was devastated. I buried myself in romantic comedies and chocolate ice cream. I was the stereotypical early 2000s girl, waiting on my purple plastic inflatable couch with my clear plastic phone, praying that he would call. The worst part was that it was a week before valentines day.

I know! But wait, it gets worse. Our school sold Valentine’s Day balloons that would be delivered to the students by the art club during the last period of the day… I was in the art club… I had bought him a balloon weeks ago...I had to deliver it to him... during class.

As I walked out of school that day I caught a glimpse of him getting into his black mustang. The car of which he was so, so proud. He had tied the balloon to his spoiler and was speeding out of the parking lot. That poor balloon was so battered and pitiful before it even made it to the light at the end of the street. I kind of felt sorry for it. It was so cute, and had a wonderful purpose. It was meant to spread joy, it was meant to be pretty, it was meant to represent my undying 14-year-old love! It could have risen to the sky in all its helium glory, and yet a string held it tightly to his spoiler and it was battered and bruised before it even had a chance to say, “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

I am that Balloon. I have all the best intentions. I have all the plans. Sometimes I even look the part, but most days I feel like a battered balloon--deflated, devoid of hope, desperately trying to hold on to my only semblance of control before I even have my morning coffee. I believe that I can’t control it, so I cope.

**Sometimes I even look the part, but most days I feel like a battered balloon--deflated, devoid of hope,**
**desperately trying to hold on to my only semblance of control**
**before I even have my morning coffee**.

I’m not going to lie; coping can be fun. How do I cope? Snooze button. How do I cope? Chocolate. How do I cope? Netflix. How do I cope? Coffee. How to I cope? Planning every activity that I can possibly cram into my schedule, so I don’t even have time to think about how I live in the tension of “out of control” and “complete predictability.” Ignoring my own toxic thoughts is a pretty, pink band aid that hid a festering and infected spirit underneath.

So how do I stop coping and start living? How do I close the gap between my intentions and plans and illusions of control and what is actually going to happen in my day. How do I conquer the feeling of being out of control, and gain control of my life again?

Get ready for it… I don’t.

I don’t have control; I will never have control; I am not responsible for the fight ahead of me because someone else is already ahead of me in time fighting the battle for me.

Think about that for a second. God is not confined by the natural constructs of time. He is omnipresent and omniscient, which means he can be anywhere, at any TIME. And he chooses to go ahead of you in time and fight your battles for you: have those hard conversations for you, face your debt and your bills for you, deal with your toddler for you, stand your ground with your teenager for you, deal with your husband’s new habits for you, take on your new job for you. Let’s face it: with a sovereign God who created and knows when we wake and when we sleep, how much control can we really have?

In 2 Chronicles 20:15, Judah was facing a horde coming straight at them, wanting to destroy them, and after fasting and praying, God said through Jahaziel, “Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed at this great horde, for the battle is not yours but God's. 16 Tomorrow go down against them. Behold, they will come up by the ascent of Ziz. You will find them at the end of the valley, east of the wilderness of Jeruel. 17 You will not need to fight in this battle. Stand firm, hold your position, and see the salvation of the Lord on your behalf, O Judah and Jerusalem.’ Do not be afraid and do not be dismayed. Tomorrow go out against them, and the Lord will be with you.”

My dear friend, how do we stop coping and start controlling? How do we regain control over our lives, our calendars, our kids, our jobs, our relationships? WE DON’T. The battle is the Lord’s. He has gone before us and done all the work, he has fought the battle and already won.

The most powerful thing we can do is SHOW UP!

When you have a hard conversation to have with a friend, pray and then SHOW UP.

When your kids are having a hard time at school and you just don’t know how to handle it, pray and SHOW UP!

When your husband is going down a path that is dangerous, pray and SHOW UP for him in a way that supports and loves him.

Is there someone at your job that just has it out for you? Pray, and SHOW UP!

Don’t get me wrong. This isn’t easy, sometimes the bravest thing we can do is show up and stand fast. Showing up takes courage. Showing up takes guts. Standing fast is proof of trust. Standing fast is a picture of faith and belief. But the glory in it is that when we show up, God shows off in ways that will completely floor us.

He will create changed hearts, conquered battles, and fulfilled dreams. We were not created to cope, but in relinquishing control to the one God that can actually cause change, we are free to experience His glory-- His miraculous movements that we could not otherwise orchestrate ourselves under the guise of “control.”

So, later in Chronicles 20, the next morning as the Judeans went to stand firm and face the giant horde of the enemy, Jehoshaphat their king exclaimed: “Hear me, Judah and inhabitants of Jerusalem! Believe in the Lord your God, and you will be established; believe his prophets, and you will succeed.” And when he had taken counsel with the people, he appointed those who were to sing to the Lord and praise him in holy attire, as they went before the army, and say, “Give thanks to the Lord, for his steadfast love endures forever.”

Ladies, let’s praise Him today. Let’s take a moment in the morning to believe in His promises and His truth. When we feel battered and deflated let’s ask Him to fill us up with hope. And then let’s show up. Show up for our families, friends and coworkers. Show up for ourselves. Let’s show up even if we are tired, stressed, or tapped out. Show up if we are excited and ready but then stand firm: “allowing” the Almighty to have the control. Let go of our balloons and trust Him to direct its path while we enjoy the freedom of being out of our own control.

Out of My Control